The summer solstice marked a decade of marriage for Josh and I. This last year has been pivotal in our relationship as we’ve worked to rekindle our connection after navigating many years of chaos. It feels as though we’ve lived multiple lives in that time. While most people lay the groundwork for their career, marriage, finances, and parenting at separate times, our life unfolded in a way that left us doing all of those things at once.
In recent years, we’ve commented to one another about how miraculous it feels to still be together — to have evolved through the transitions of parenting, cross country moves, career changes and grad school, global crises, faith and political dissections, and come out on the other side still fighting for one another.
A year ago, we attended our first couples therapy session with Tracy. After previously abandoning two marriage therapists, I knew that she would be the one to usher Josh and I back to one another as she seemed to have an innate understanding of our background and values, plus a couple of decades more life experience than us. While there weren’t any glaring issues with our marriage, we explained that we were finding ourselves living parallel lives with little connection, having grown apart through many years in survival mode. We knew we had to course correct in order to recreate the life and the love that we desire. We briefed her on the constant change, uncertainty, and stress that had plagued the majority of our marriage, reflecting on the fact that the warped sense of humor we share has been one of the only things to carry us through. She walked us through the approach she would utilize to help us rediscover our love which felt lost and I could sense the promising change that was finally coming.
Week after week we have continued to show up to do the painstaking work of rebuilding our connection.
And while our work is far from done as we’re still in the thick of negotiating what we want for our future and peeling away the many painful layers that surface when two people make big decisions together, I am deeply thankful for the place that we’re in and proud of the work that we’ve done.
To celebrate, we spent the last week together without the kids, reaping the benefits of our labor and enjoying just being us. We had fun exploring outdoorsy areas that are difficult with kids, and we spent time on the Washington coast + Orcas Island where we had an impromptu vow renewal.
Ten years has flown by and yet I know it’s (hopefully) just a blip in the grand scheme of our life together. I am deeply excited for what’s to come.
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